


Hub Wars (Drabble Series)

by tardisjournal



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Cranky!Owen, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2013-12-11
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisjournal/pseuds/tardisjournal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When things are bad, Ianto Jones and Owen Harper argue and fistfight (and sometime shoot each other.) When things are good, they argue and play pranks on each other. This is a series of those pranks.</p><div class="center">
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <img/></p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Revenge

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The List](https://archiveofourown.org/works/858181) by [tardisjournal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisjournal/pseuds/tardisjournal). 



> Series originally posted at LiveJournal September 11, 2012-Decemer 9, 2012

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys will be boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 challenge: "Prehistoric Creatures".

  
"Just look at them!" Ianto marveled, holding a small, translucent container up to the light.

"They're a window on to the past! They existed in the Cretaceous period alongside dinosaurs and pterosaurs and have thrived, unchanged, whilst so many other species went extinct."  
  
Ianto nodded to indicate Myfanwy's aerie, where the pteranodon was snoozing the day away, then returned his rapt attention to the jar.  
  
Tosh looked up from her screen and adjusted her glasses. "What was that, Ianto? Something you collected from the Rift breach this morning?"  
  
Ianto grinned. "No. The cockroaches I'm going to put in Owen's desk."


	2. Escalation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It fell to Ianto to dispose of the corpses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 challenge: "Harvest".

No one would discover the tourists had been killed by aliens—Torchwood worked late into the night to ensure that. 

It fell to Ianto to dispose of the corpses. Four body-bags awaited him in a neat row.

Ianto gingerly touched the stiff plastic of the first bag, and it sat bolt upright. He shrieked and leaped backward as an unearthly cackle filled the air.

Ianto fumbled for his weapon--until he recognized that cackle.

“Owen, that was so uncalled-for,” he gasped.

The medic's head emerged from the top of the bag, grinning.

“Oi! You reap what you sow, mate.”


	3. Comeuppance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto recruits a new ally in the "Hub Wars"; together they ensure that Owen's afternoon doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 challenge: "Moving Mountains".

Owen was looking forward to a peaceful afternoon. Everyone was out “Weevil hunting” (Jack and Ianto) or investigating poltergeist reports from a girl's school (Gwen and Tosh).

After a leisurely lunch, he headed to the Autopsy Room—and froze. A veritable mountain of cabinets, drawers, chairs and alien objects stood tall on his table. A miraculous feat of engineering, it stretched nearly to the ceiling.  
  
It would take ages to dismantle without breaking anything. And first he'd have to get past Myfanwy, who was perched on top, gazing down at him balefully.  
  
It was going to be a long afternoon.


	4. Detente

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Owen's latest sally against Ianto doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 challenge: "Odd Couples". 
> 
> This was expanded into a full-length story, [Bridges Over Troubled Water](http://archiveofourown.org/works/664480).

Owen entered the locker room, intent on getting Ianto where it would really hurt... his hair.  
  
That poncy git kept his own high-end shampoo and conditioner--conditioner!--at the Hub. Both would soon contain a powerful bleaching agent guaranteed to turn dark brown hair bright orange.  
  
Suddenly, Owen froze. Ianto was already there, shirtless, staring into the mirror and tracing the outline of several faint white scars with his fingertips.  
  
' _Souvenirs of Canary Wharf_ ,' the medic thought, recalling with a jolt that today was the anniversary of that debacle.  
  
Fuck.  
  
Owen crept away, the bottle suddenly heavy in his pocket.


	5. Dasher, Dancer, Prankster, Vixen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Owen's going to get a Boxing Day surprise. He won't like it much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 prompt, "Maybe This Year".

Jack stood in his office and watched Ianto moving about the Hub, hiding a variety of sex toys where Owen would be sure to find them when he returned on December 26th.  
  
As pranks went, it was rather juvenile, though Jack had to admire Ianto's resourcefulness. Some of the more innovative items made even the experienced Captain raise an eyebrow. The hung-over medic would be outraged.  
  
“Maybe this year those two will finally get tired of these silly Hub Wars,” Jack mused.  
  
Jack caught sight of the mischievous grin on the usually dour Welshman’s face and decided he hoped not.


	6. The Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because they're out of the Hub doesn't mean there's been a cease-fire in the Hub Wars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 challenge: "Frost".

A drunken Owen stopped to pee on a lamppost. “Bollocks! It's so cold I just pissed icicles."

Ianto rolled his eyes. “Not possible. But you know what is? Putting your tongue on frozen metal and not getting stuck, _if_ you've had a few beers first.”

“Bullshit.”

“It's true. The alcohol raises your body temperature just enough that your tongue doesn’t freeze. I'm surprised that you, being a doctor, didn't know that.”

“Prove it.”

“I didn't drink tonight, remember? Designated driver? You do it. Unless you're afraid?”

“I'm not! See? _Arrgh!”_

“That was too easy.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The List](https://archiveofourown.org/works/858181) by [tardisjournal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisjournal/pseuds/tardisjournal)




End file.
